A Step-by-step guide to reconnect with yourself and change your life after growing up in a narcissistic family

If you grew up with narcissistic parents, you may have spent years carrying negative labels that weren’t yours, words like “black sheep,” “aggressive,” or “difficult.”

These labels shape how you see yourself, how you make decisions, and how you show up in the world. In this article, I will show you how to get rid of these labels, reshape your mindset, and reconnect with who you truly are so you can build a happy and peaceful life.

Narcissistic parents project their insecurities onto you

Narcissistic parents often project the traits they dislike about themselves onto their children. These projections appear as criticism or labels, leaving you feeling flawed or unworthy.

You may have been called aggressive, difficult, or even a serial liar, but those labels reflected their insecurities or unwanted qualities, not who you really are. For years, you may have trusted their “feedback,” only to realise it was misleading.

Through mindset coaching, you can separate their projections from your identity and reconnect with your authentic self.

The first step is to recognise that those criticisms and labels weren’t true. You need to shift the idea you have of yourself. Every time you catch yourself attaching those old labels to who you are or what you do, pause and replace them with more positive and supportive thoughts.

Narcissistic parents criticize what you have that they don’t

Another common pattern is criticism of your natural strengths. Instead of celebrating qualities they may lack, like confidence or empathy, they turn them into perceived flaws.

Called the “black sheep”? You may actually be an independent thinker who questions what doesn’t make sense.

Labelled as “aggressive”? You likely know how to stand up for yourself and assert your boundaries.

One thing you can do, briefly and without getting attached to the past, is to look back at the labels that were given to you and uncover their real meaning. This exercise is simply for awareness, so don't spend too much time and energy on it.

For example: The real meaning of “You’re too sensitive” may actually mean that you were an empathetic kid.

Through my mindset and transformational coaching programme, you can uncover your true qualities and strengths and gain clarity about who you truly are.

Discover both your light and shadow sides as an adult to reconnect with your authentic self

Now, bring your focus to the present. To reconnect with yourself, you truly need to understand who you are as an adult.

Start by exploring your positive qualities and potential. Look at your bright side and ask yourself:

• What do I like about myself?

• What would I admire in myself if I were someone else?

• What compliments or feedback do I receive from friends?

• What activities make me feel proud of myself?

• What kind of situations bring out the best in me?

• What qualities helped me get through tough times?

Don’t ignore your less bright side either. Understanding your triggers and dislikes is equally powerful. Ask yourself:

• When do I feel triggered or activated by someone or something?

• What don’t I like about myself?

• What don’t I like in others?

• What personality traits do I dislike in myself?

• What do people say when they criticize me?

You can do this exercise with a friend or your partner.

Being aware of both your strengths and the areas where you can improve helps you use your energy wisely. Focus on leveraging your strengths first to become the superhero of your own story. Then, if you have spare time and energy, you can work on improving your weaker areas.

You are not defined by your past or the labels others placed on you. With the right mindset, tools, and action, I can help you to reconnect with yourself, play by your strengths, and make empowered choices, and build a life that reflects who you are and your true potential.

Silvia Davies provides action oriented transformational coaching support to adults who have experienced narcissistic abuses and/or come from narcissistic and dysfunctional families. Silvia Davies specialises in life transformation and personal development coaching, covering for example, mindset coaching, confidence coaching, fear of rejection coaching, relationship coaching, performance coaching and lifestyle coaching. When working with clients, different matters can be addressed, for example, overcoming fear of change, finding clarity and direction, creating positive habits, unlocking clients’ potential and creating actionable plans to change your life. Contact me here or reach out to silviadaviescoach@gmail.com to find out more.